I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
