I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
