2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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