I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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