the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you didnt know i had herpes?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
