Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize