Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize