We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need a beard to bite.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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