need another drink. this is the easiest way
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
