I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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