i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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