So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
