I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
