bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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