Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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