Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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