Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
