Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
