If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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