I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
