If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
