spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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