a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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