is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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