If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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