Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
