dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize