My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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