one two three fourrrrnication!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
