i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
