Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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