i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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