I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
