People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
