Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
