Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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