have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
