Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
false alarm, still single
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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