Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
