I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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