I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
