She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
