I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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