and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
