I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize