i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
