My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
