he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
