Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
