New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
