It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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