Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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