the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
