Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
