I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
