Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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