I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
