I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
