Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
