If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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