And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
