I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
