After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
