who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
