its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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