You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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