pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
