I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
